Jag blir aldrig trött på att se mitt namn bland andra starka tjejer. Jag känner mig alltid lika stolt.
Idag släpptes Elit-listorna till Ultimate OCR, som går av stapeln om ett par månader. Ett ljus i en annars väldigt stressad tillvaro...
I never grow tired of seeing my name among other elite women. I feel equally proud whichever race it is.
Today Ultimate OCR released the elite names for the upcoming competition. A light in my otherwise stressful and bleak life...
Ever since the problem with my foot I've been feeling more and more stressed. I'm now able to run shorter distances but the heavy feeling of loss covers my joy. I found the love for running and it was, yet again, quickly removed from my life. I've started to run again, and with the help from a friend I started to run "low BPM runs", it's supposed to strengthen my basic running body and trough that make me faster. The only problem is, I cant run the way I want, I constantly need to check my heart rate, I cant run in the forest and the boredom makes me crushed. The feeling of actually wanting to run is removed with constant feeling of hate towards running.
Not only do I feel bad about my running, I also feel weak, my body is in a very bad shape, my right wrist is bad, my right chest back is bad, my foot, still not 100%.. Oh, and also, a tiny but, non the less problematic Hallux Valgus has appeared. Like a gift from above, like I needed more problems right now.
You can see why I'm stressed, nothing seems to work out right now and the tension grows as the first competition gets closer. I feel weaker now, than when i left Canada after the World Championships. I was supposed to be stronger and faster.. not broken.
Somehow i stress myself to make a better race than the first time I competed, last year at Bootcamp Challenge, I feel the NEED to be a better self. Unfortunately that might be the thing that crushes me. I need to feel good about my achievements rather than stressed about the future. Anyone with a good tip on how to overcome ones self?
On the upside...
This weekend I'm going to run for ME, and not the "BPM", I'll run, without checking my watch, Robin will join me on the bike. 14-15 km, I don't HAVE to run slow, or fast, or even run all the time, I'll have no "must".
And, FINALLY, my one and only masseuse is returned from some off time, so Saturday will bring pain, but gain to my body. Hopefully I'll be able to calm down and enjoy life a little!
Next time I write, will be in Swedish again, AND it'll be after the Trail race!
Väldigt tacksam om någon har idéer eller erfarenheter av att bearbeta tävlingsstress/prestationsstress?
Tjohej!
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